My month in Eswatini started with a long, cramped bus ride. We finally all spilled out onto the homestead to start another all-squad month and set up our tents. I was so excited to finally get to use my tent! Not only had I been carrying that sucker around everywhere and I wanted it to finally be worth it, but I was also looking forward to having my own space at night. The only downside of the tent life was that the local roosters loved to crow right outside of it at all hours of the night.
Look at how cute my home was!
We started ministry work a few days after settling in. As I talked about in my last blog, the farm was an unexpected blessing. Undomi was a beautiful refuge tucked away behind dirt roads and rows of trees. They teach the permaculture method when it comes to farming, which is much more sustainable in the long run and better for the earth overall. A-Stew and I were able to put together 3 lesson plans before we had to leave. We were absolutely spoiled by the amazing conversations we got to have with Brandon, Melinda, and Hann and by all the beautiful flowers that covered the farm grounds.
I was obsessed with every single flower I came across.
The transition to manual labor when transportation to the farm fell through was a hard one for me but having the support of the other girls made it easier. It wasn’t fun, but I learned a lot through this change and now feel way more equipped when it comes to flexibility and adaptability.
The fact that our buddy, Justice, would frequently buy us fat cakes and give us really long lunch breaks also made it a whole lot easier.
Every day, after our work in ministry, we would drive for an hour to get back to our homestead and then I would jump in our pool with Claire. It was truly a dream come true and I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn’t at a resort somewhere. I’m still blown away that the Lord blessed me so incredibly in Eswatini!
Who would have thought that bubbles would improve your pool experience by 100.1%?
One of the best parts of having a squad this small is that we get to do a lot together. Caroline, whom we have lovingly nicknamed “Carl,” is our Celebration Coordinator. With Kendell’s help, she planned the most amazing GALentine’s Retreat for us. They started by both sharing what the Lord was teaching them about love that month and it was so beautiful to see their vulnerability and growth especially compared to earlier months. They gave us a prompt and a passage from 1 John to meditate on, both of which absolutely wrecked me. I had spent a long time thinking that I only really started loving God when I was in college, but He opened my eyes to the fact that I’ve been seeking a relationship with Him way before then.
After this, we had an impromptu time of confession and repentance. Almost every single one of us shared how we hadn’t loved the squad to the best of our abilities. It was a really wonderful and emotional time for me. Holy Spirit opened my eyes to my tendency to isolate when I get overwhelmed instead of leaning into community and I promised to work on that. To top it all off, we ended the night with foot washing and worship. We sat in a circle, and each took turns having our feet washed by the person to our right and then washing the feet of the person to our left. My reaction to this set up really surprised me. I was completely fine and ready to wash Morgan’s feet, but I was taken aback that Amy would be washing mine. It feels wrong, I thought. She’s my mentor and I should be washing her feet. I felt small and undeserving of this act of love.
Of course, Jesus stepped in right away. He reminded me that yes, He washed His disciples’ feet (John 13:1-17), but He also allowed someone else to wash His (Luke 7:36-50). I silently sobbed the entire time as I considered why this action of love was so hard for me to receive. I pondered this question for a while and considered why it was so hard for me to accept the love others were trying to give me. I realized that any time someone says that they love me or want to be friends, I immediately assume that they’re just being polite and don’t actually mean it. It felt like I had a bunch of random puzzle pieces floating around in my head that didn’t fit together but were somehow supposed to create the answer. Throughout the entire worship session, I kept asking God why. It wasn’t until the end, when Dana came over to me, gave me the longest hug ever, and said “Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18)” that all the pieces seemed to fall into place. I was afraid. I was afraid of rejection and abandonment. I was afraid to give someone my heart because they would eventually leave anyway. I immediately took this to the Lord and shared it with my team the next day. Saying it aloud was the first step of the battle.
Thank God for these amazing women! They’ve helped me so much in my journey to overcoming fear and diving deeper into community. I’ve been so blessed by their wisdom, insight, gentleness, and love.
I spent the next several days processing this new information and I’m still working on finding the root of the problem and fulling digging it out of my life. My team and my amazing friends have all helped so much! Please be praying as I continue down the path of casting out fear and letting love reign!
There’s no better place to process your issues than in a pavilion tucked away in the woods!
When it came to adventure days, we really only had one option: going into town. Manzini is a fun little town complete with a mall, food court, market, bookstore, and several boutiques. We spent most of our time exploring the market and picking up beautiful souvenirs like canvas paintings and custom-made dresses. There were a whole row of booths that sold every pattern of fabric that you can imagine. After picking out the fabric, you take it to the seamstress, tell her what kind of dress you want, get measured, and then pick it up a few days later. I’m absolutely obsessed with mine! I was also able to buy a journal at the local Christian bookstore which I’m super excited about.
A new dress demands a quick photo shoot!
Milky Lane: the best ice cream in Eswatini, maybe even the world.
What an incredible month! I truly loved Eswatini and learned a lot about depending on the Lord and accepting love. We really ended off with a bang when I found a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts at a fancy gas station that we stopped at in South Africa on the way to the airport. Now that’s what I call abundance!
Let me tell you, they actually tasted like Krispy Kreme!!!
Thank you for all your prayers and support! Please be praying as I keep studying out love in all its different dimensions and work on casting out fear. I’m also still talking to the Lord about abundance and that whole tangled web. Pray for the Golden Girls as we work with HopeRwanda in, you guessed it, Rwanda. Our time without the other teams has been so fruitful and beautiful, yet still has its challenges! Walking through Lent together has been amazing, but not being able to see my friends on other teams, especially Claudia and A-Stew, has been a struggle for me.
As always, be sure to check out Dana’s amazing recap video (and any others you come across on her channel)!
