Too Much of a Good Thing

Walking into the house that I would call home for these two months was a dream come true. Right outside our front door, was a huge sign proclaiming Psalm 46:1, “God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is found in times of trouble.” Seeing as I had been bouncing around from refuge to refuge for the past 7 months, I was confident that this is where I belonged. We had a cute little kitchen to cook our meals in, 3 bedrooms to divide between the 5 of us, a bathroom with hot water for the shower, and a comfy living room complete with a dining table, two couches, and a bookshelf. I dropped my stuff off in the room I would be sharing with Claire and then immediately started examining the rows of books.

Such a welcome sign!

After our first meeting with our amazing host, Glenda, I was already starting to fall in love with the ministry. HopeRwanda is so well run that the founders, Glenda and her husband, Ralph, only need to be in Rwanda for 3 months of the year. The organization is well established, managing its different programs intentionally, and ready for a bunch more growth. We were introduced to the women of the sewing school, and I was beyond excited to meet another Janine! These 9 women stole my heart as soon as they started worshiping. Their beautiful voices lifted up praises to the Lord in their native language, Kinyarwanda, and I was absolutely enchanted. I felt certain that working with them and getting to know them better would be one of the most natural things in the world.

As we got settled and started talking to Glenda about what our schedule would look like, it became clear that we would have much more free time than we had during previous months. She wanted to make sure that we would have plenty of time to plan for events, such as Beauty for Ashes, a team building day with the men, and a field day with the kids. She also didn’t want to overwork us and wanted to give us plenty of time with God and each other. I was so thankful to have two months of intentional ministry with more than enough time to pour into my team and get poured into by the Lord.

I was especially excited when I realized that I would have lots of time to devour the books in the house. I immediately picked out two books to start in addition to one I had brought with me. My goal was to always be reading at least one “fun” book and one “spiritual” book over the course of these two months. I also started three new plans on the Bible App and a Lent study that Claudia had found and shared with the squad. I was ready for some spiritual overload, ready to be completely soaked in God’s goodness and learn more about and with Him.

I almost screamed when I saw that they had a copy of Emma by Jane Austen here.

This year, I decided to participate in Lent. Not just with the plan I found on YouVersion and the study from Claudia, but also by giving things up and stepping into suffering with the Lord. I hadn’t been praying about it for long when it became very clear how much I relied on food for comfort. Instead of dealing with my feelings of discomfort, loneliness, or burnout, I would usually turn to eating. This was especially true over the past few months, and I wanted to cut out the gluttony before it could fully grab hold. I also had been drinking much more soda than I ever had in the States. Again, it was a comfort thing – a cold, familiar drink that soothed the craziness of the unknown. I decided to give up soda and be much more intentional with portion sizes of meals and not snacking throughout the day for Lent.

A few weeks into our stay, we found an incredible church right here in Kigali. We went to their Friday night worship session and were blown away by their authenticity and genuine love for the Lord. We returned for the Sunday service and learned about the upcoming women’s conference. Following the 4-day conference, the entire church would be uniting in a 14-day fast. Right off the bat, I was all in. The women’s conference was an amazing experience. I encountered the Lord in so many new ways during worship and got a bunch out of the messages. It was during the third day of the conference that Jesus asked me to cut my hair.

I’m still getting used to managing this new do… sometimes I look like Velma from Scooby-Doo, sometimes I look like the Wendy’s mascot… there’s a learning curve.

The first week of the fast was quite interesting. I decided to eat only one meal a day and continue to give up soda for Lent. I started the week sick with a head cold, which made skipping meals easier since I didn’t want to eat anyways but also distracted me a lot from intentional prayer. After recovering, the fast grew harder. We did a Beauty for Ashes retreat for the women in the program for 3 days, which involved quite a bit of work on my part. I found myself simply skipping meals out of obligation and skipping prayer times due to poor time management. I also started falling behind on all my different Bible studies and reading plans.

It was pretty evident that something had to change. I wasn’t fasting well; in fact, I wasn’t really fasting at all, I just wasn’t eating. It wasn’t bringing me closer to God, it just was. I also wasn’t getting a lot out of my books and studies. I found myself quickly skimming each one before jumping to the next just so I could get them all done each day. It was getting ridiculous. I had taken on way too much and instead of it being fruitfully challenging, it was just overwhelming.

I prayed about it and shared my struggles with my team. Then I decided to do something about it. I stopped reading two of the books and decided to just keep one at a time. I also phased out all but one of the plans I had on the Bible App. Finally, I decided to add a meal to my fasting schedule so that I would only be giving up lunch. I made it a priority to take our lunch breaks to go and pray instead of just sitting and being hungry.

At first, I was a little disappointed with myself for letting things get so out of hand. I had spent so much of the Race enjoying the “slow life” that I discovered in Costa Rica and here I was throwing everything I learned out the door. Thankfully, however, we serve a gracious and gentle God and have His forgiveness ingrained in us. It was a tough lesson, but one I needed to learn – there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.

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We have about a week and a half left in Rwanda. We get to finish out Lent here and celebrate Easter before heading off to Romania. Please be praying for us as we prepare to serve in a humanitarian crisis and that we finish strong with Lent.

We started a prayer wall in our living room. On one of these cards, we all wrote down what we would be giving up for Lent so that we could be praying for one another.