Just Because

During our Month 5 in South Africa, Team Golden Girls worked with an amazing organization called Timeon. Timeon works with the families of children with cerebral palsy to provide the resources and education they need to properly care for their children. They have a large vegetable garden where they grow an abundance of broccoli, cauliflower, lettuce, strawberries, spinach, herbs, and more. The fresh veggies are sold to the staff and donated to local soup kitchens, homeless shelters, and missionaries. When it comes to gardens, there’s one thing you can count on – lots of weeds will need to be pulled. That’s what we spent most of our ministry days doing. Occasionally, we would work with the four donkeys, prepare some fertilizer, or harvest orders, but we would always come back to weeding.

Pulling weeds provides so much time to think and pray, but for some reason I really struggled to do either. As I sat in the dirt and pulled out plant after plant, my mind would bounce around aimlessly, occasionally landing on a song that would get stuck in my head for hours. I quickly became very frustrated – this could be such a fruitful and beautiful time with God, but I was wasting it. The angrier I got, the harder it was to focus. I got stuck in an endless cycle of wandering thoughts, frustration, and more wandering thoughts about how frustrated I was. When I would finally be able to calm my mind, God remained silent. I became desperate. There’s so much room for spiritual metaphors in a garden, so why wasn’t God telling me anything? Tell me something about roots or digging deep or flowers or vegetables or dirt or something!!!

It wasn’t long before I encountered the first snail. Claire and I were helping harvest when we uncovered the little guy nestled in some carrots. I picked him up by the shell and brought him to the other side of the fence. As soon as I returned, Claire held out another one to me. And that was the beginning of Janine’s Snail Sanctuary. I quickly lost count of how many snails I found – some full sized, some teeny tiny and no bigger than a pebble. I faithfully brought each one to the snail sanctuary beyond the fence where they would be safe and away from the strawberries.

I’m not sure when exactly it happened, but I began to truly notice every snail I picked up. I studied the patterns of their shells, how they slowly ooze out when the coast is clear, how they quickly retract their eyes when something brushes against them, how they need a second before they start sticking themselves to the next leaf. They absolutely fascinated me. I would sit for so long, letting a single snail make its way across my gloved hand. I could’ve watched them all day long.

After a while, I began to ask the Lord what the snails meant. Was this the big metaphor I was searching for? How would snails tie into my spiritual life? What did they represent? What symbolism could I find here? I asked God so many questions and each one went unanswered.

It wasn’t until our last week, when we had a silent retreat, that I finally heard from Him. As part of our mini-debrief at the end of the month, Claudia planned 2 hours of complete silence for the whole squad. No talking, no music, no anything. Just being with the Lord and listening. It was exactly what I needed. The two hours flew by, and I felt beyond refreshed. I realized that this was what the Lord had been calling me to do all month – just sit and be, just embrace the silence and let Him speak.

As I sat in His presence, I asked again: What do the snails mean? Absolutely nothing. I just knew that you would like them. Everything doesn’t have to have a meaning. The purpose of My creation is to be created by Me. That’s all.

I was blown away. This whole time I had been trying to dig up something that wasn’t even there. I was overthinking and overspiritualizing everything instead of just coming back to the Father’s feet. It got me wondering what else I had overcomplicated. Relationship with the Lord is simple – just be with Him.