“When the hour came, Jesus and His apostles reclined at the table. And He said to them, ‘I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God.’ After taking the cup, He gave thanks and said, ‘Take this and divide it among you. For I tell you I will not drink again from the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.’ And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.’ In the same way, after the supper He took the cup, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.’”

Luke 22:14-20

Like most of us who grew up in the church, Little Janine saw communion as a fun snack that was way too small for some reason. Although I learned what communion truly was several years ago, it took a while for the gravity of it to actually sink in. Communion is a remembrance of one of the most tragic moments in the history of the world. It represents the horror of Christ’s death on the cross and all He had to endure to pay our debt to sin. It is a reminder of the whipping, the beatings, the humiliation, and the trek to calvary. In short, it is a symbol of God’s perfect, steadfast love.

This realization didn’t fully hit me until this Sunday. Basilio made sure to tell us before church that we would be celebrating “la cena del senor” and I immediately became giddy and excited. I was surprised; communion has never been a hugely emotional part of my Sunday services. I come from a church background where communion is taken every week. I usually spend time in prayer before taking the cup and the bread, but I had never before been so excited for it. I wondered if maybe I just missed taking communion every Sunday or if there was something else going on.

Of course something else was going on… after the sermon, Basilio called my team and I up to the front to pick up our small glasses of grape juice and bits of bread carefully wrapped in tin foil. I went up first, came back to my seat, and started praying. Within seconds, I was overcome with emotion.

My God loves me this much… He willing went to a horrific death, just for ME. How is this even possible? Why would my all-powerful God ever even consider dying for someone like me?

My sins, past and present, dashed through my mind. I struggled to wrap my mind around the idea that even when I was utterly unlovable, Jesus still carried the cross and took the nails for me. I kept asking Jesus over and over why He would ever do something like that. Why would He even consider this for a moment? I was an absolute disaster who never once deserved to be saved, yet here I was: saved, redeemed, and loved.

It was in this beautiful moment of communion that I gained yet another layer of understanding when it comes to God’s love. He would go to hell and back for me (literally). I’m still working on what it means to be loved by Him and how I can bring myself to fully accept it, but I’ve made progress. Please keep praying Ephesians 3:17-19 over me. I would also encourage you to go into your next time of communion with the mindset of it being a symbol of God’s love.