Happy Tuesday and welcome to Part 2 of this blog series! If you missed Part 1, check it out here.
A week after going to the Bronx the first time, my team stayed back Wednesday night to pray for the other team going. It was once again a really emotional experience for me. I was overcome by how lost and unseen the people we served must feel. The word that I kept coming back to was “identity.” There is such an attack on identity in places like the Bronx. Satan manipulates the truth that God has ingrained in these people and fills their hearts with lies that they are dirty, too broken to be redeemed, and unlovable. They think that their identity lies in the drugs they use and the things they do at night when, in reality, their identity is determined by how loved they are by their Creator. Praying through this for almost two hours gave me a better understanding of the depth of the heartbreak and despair that fills the Bronx.
While most of the Squash Sisters stayed at Ciudad Refugio to pray from the rooftop, Claudia went back to the Bronx to get these amazing photos.
Thursday morning, my team headed back to the Bronx again. Rebekah warned us that it would be a much different experience this time. During the day, stores are open and people are coming off of their highs. She explained that the whole atmosphere is more even heartbreaking. As we got ready to pile into the truck, I started feeling extremely nervous, which was strange. I had no idea why my stomach was suddenly doing backflips and my heart was racing. I loved my first time at the Bronx and had been looking forward to coming back.
As soon as I stepped out of the truck, I immediately felt sick. I was super dizzy, felt really nauseous, and all I wanted to do was run away and hide. I stood in the middle of the street for a moment, trying to get my bearings. I focused on my breathing and tried to not get too overwhelmed as I staggered over to the bread line. I wordlessly began passing Shelby bags of bread to hand out. My goal had been to actually walk around this time, but I wasn’t even sure that I could walk in a straight line.
When we went to the Bronx at night, there was amazing worship going on the entire time. This wasn’t the case during the day, which definitely made a huge difference in the atmosphere. We also didn’t have anyone praying for us back at the foundation, which we all felt in one way or another. Don’t ever underestimate the power of interceeding!
I spent the entire hour we were there praying desperately and fighting the urge to run and/or throw up. On the way back to the foundation, I felt so frustrated with myself. I barely talked to anyone; I was essentially useless and didn’t contribute to the outreach at all. What was wrong with me?
The second I got out of the truck at Ciudad Refugio, all my nausea and dizziness disappeared. It felt like a switch being turned off. We had some free time before lunch, so I headed up to our room to process. As I lay in bed praying, I felt a sense of peace settle over me. It was okay. I didn’t need to feel guilty about what happened. It wasn’t my fault. During lunch, I sat next to Caroline and told her about my experience. Once I was done, she looked at me and immediately said, “That sounds like a spiritual attack.” I was a bit shocked. I had never experienced anything like this before and any spiritual attacks I had gone through in the past never manifested in a physical way.
Confused by this new information, I decided to spend some more praying in the evening once we were done with ministry. The more I asked God if this really was a spiritual attack, the more He confirmed it. The truth settled in as I tried to figure out what that meant. I was unsure what to do with this new information, but one thing was clear… I had to go back to the Bronx.
Thank you for much for reading Part 2 of 3 of my Bronx blog series! Please keep praying for this community as well as Ciudad Refugio and the work they do. So far, Ecuador has been pretty amazing and filled with adventure, so thank you for praying for the Squash Sisters!
Photo Credit: Claudia (Of course)
Can’t wait for the final episode of the sequel.
Who/what would attack you spiritually? Hope you’re feeling better and able to get a lot done next time
Danke!
Thanks! I’m doing a lot better and it was a really good learning experience. I spent some more time praying about it and talking to my teammates and squadmates about it and it was definitely some demonic stuff going on. It was such a strange experience. For example, I wasn’t afraid, but I felt a lot of fear (if that makes sense).
Thank you! It was definitely a challenge, but I learned a lot from it!
i’m so glad you’re facing your fears head on and gaining victory over darkness!