To Thrive or Not to Thrive?

I’ve decided to let Eswatini be one of my favorite months. I could very easily be sitting here, writing a blog about all the disappointing moments with Eswatini towards the bottom of my list. But I choose to let it be a beautiful month. I made up my mind that Month 7 was going to be my month to thrive.

As soon as we got off the bus at our homestead, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of where we were staying. Giant bushes of prickly pears and hibiscus flowers dotted the landscape. Lush green grass covered the yard that we would be tenting on. (That’s right! We finally got to use the tents we’ve been lugging around the globe!) We even had a swimming pool that we could use at any time and pavilions tucked into the trees that were perfect for worship sessions. This was going to be a great month, I thought to myself.

Cue “The Bare Necessities!” I found out pretty quickly that I like to look at prickly pears, but I really don’t like to eat them.

That night, we got comfy in the little house that we would be cooking in. It had a kitchen, bathroom, a few beds, and a sitting area. It was a tight squeeze with all of us, but it was cozy and safe. Also, it was called the Refuge House! The Lord just keeps bringing up this theme of refuge wherever I go. Our mentors, Mike and Char, as well as Kayla, our former squad leader, had all come from debrief to spend an extra week with us in Eswatini. I was so excited to have more time with them and especially to continue to grow my blossoming friendship with Kayla. To top it all off, when I stepped out onto the porch after dinner, I discovered a GIANT snail! Wow, this was going to be my month, I thought with a grin.

LOOK AT THIS BOY!

We met with our host, Morgan, who explained a bit about the different ministries we would do and the general logistics information. We would be working with the Adventures in Missions (AIM) Base that serves the people of Eswatini through 40 Care Points throughout the country. Each Care Point provides a safe space, daily meals, and lessons to hundreds of children.  With each sentence, my smile grew wider and my heart beat faster. It all sounded perfect. Multiple people came up to me afterwards and told me that this was my month to thrive. Definitely! I thought, The Lord has been teaching me so much about abundance and this is the month when I’ll get to experience it.

The first hiccup in my perfect plan came within the first few days. There were several different ministries to choose from, just like in Nicaragua. And just like before, we wrote down our top 3 choices and gave them to our team leaders to pray over and decide who would work where. Even though I wrote down 3 choices, there was really only one that I wanted: to work in the AIM office, developing curriculum for the “Shepherds” or leaders of the various Care Points around Eswatini. The Shepherds ran the Care Points and served as mentors to the kids. AIM does a great job at pouring into their staff and volunteers and therefore started developing teachings specifically to empower this role. I knew that I would really thrive in this role. However, when the roles were announced, I wasn’t given that one. Instead, I was asked to go to the farm.

I was shocked. I snuck out to a special place I had found in a cluster of trees that hid me away from the world and cried out to God. I thought that this was my month to thrive! I don’t understand how I’m supposed to thrive while doing more manual labor… but I trust You. I trust that this is what’s best. After wiping away a few tears, I got ready for bed and prepared myself for the farm.

This is the view I had every morning while I journaled, prayed, and read my Bible.

When we got to the farm a few days later, it wasn’t even close to what I or any of us expected. “Did we just pull up to a country club?” we asked each other. An enormous, beautiful house greeted us. The grounds were well kept with giant trees, bushes of flowers, rolling lawns, and dirt roads lined with stunning plants. Brandon, a missionary from Utah, gave us a tour of Undomi, the farm. I immediately fell in love with the place. Their main mission was to teach Eswatini students how to live more sustainably and how to care for themselves and their community. I immediately fell in love with this mission – it’s so freaking incredible! Maybe I can thrive here after all!

This was just one of the gorgeous trees on the property. I picked flowers almost every day to put in my hair.

This thought was confirmed when we found out what we would be doing at the farm: curriculum development! What an amazing surprise… we would be doing exactly what I wanted to be doing except in an even better location. I was blown away by God’s abundance and provision. There was no reason to doubt His goodness when it came to my ministry placement (or anything else for that matter).

The week flew by. Anna-Stewart and I worked together to create lesson plans for Undomi’s Adulting Classes, which covered all sorts of topics ranging from cooking to problem solving and note taking. While we worked, we were frequently joined by Melinda, Brandon’s wife, and Hann, Melinda’s mom. These two amazing women had so much wisdom and goodness to share with us. We never failed to have an incredible conversation every single day. I was certain that this was my month to thrive and love.

Then came the dinner announcement. Halfway through our second week, our squad leaders announced that we found out that we wouldn’t be returning to the farm due to transportation issues. I was devastated. I was ripped away from a ministry that I truly loved and wouldn’t even be able to say goodbye to anyone at Undomi. To top it all off, we would be doing manual labor for the rest of our time. Once again, I felt the frustration, disappointment, and heartbreak overwhelm me. What the actual heck?! How am I supposed to thrive now?

For the rest of my time in Eswatini, I spent my ministry days hacking at long grass with a dull machete, picking weeds out of a freshly plowed field, and planting sugar beans. It definitely wasn’t my favorite work, but it had its moments. We got to go see several different Care Points and interacting with the kids was always sweet.

We worked for a whole afternoon and barely cleared this section of the field. It was lots of hard work in the hot sun, but the kiddos made it a lot sweeter.

One of the perks of manual labor is that it leaves plenty of time to pray and be with the Lord. So, as I sat in the dirt gathering up weeds, I asked God what the point of all this was.

I really thought that this would be my month. I really thought that I would thrive and flourish. Why did I not get this? Why didn’t you let me thrive?

He was quick to answer with a question, Why aren’t you thriving?

I wasn’t allowed to. I shot back, I didn’t get to work on the farm for the whole month!

What does that have to do with anything? He asked.

I was stunned. He was right, of course. My circumstances had nothing to do with whether or not I thrived. No matter the situation, God and all His goodness was with me and that was more than enough. I needed no other reason to thrive. I decided right then and there that I was claiming Eswatini as my month. Despite the disappointments and frustrations, I thrived during Month 7 because of Immanuel, the God who is with me (Isaiah 7:14).

How can you not thrive under this sky?!

Thank you for your constant support! Please keep me and my team in your prayers as we continue to learn and grow in Rwanda! I’m still talking to the Lord a lot about abundance and what it means for Him to be my refuge. It’s been a wonderful two and a half weeks already and I can’t wait to update you on all we’re doing here!

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:12-13